Piyavadana
The Buddha did not teach that parents reveal the world to their children; he taught that they reveal a world. It might be clearer to say that they present a world. What they transmit, whether they intend it or not, is their view of the world, their valves. They do this by showing their children. what they’re interested in; by how they spend their time; by what they praise and admire, what they criticize and dislike. Children may thus grow up in what they perceive as a harsh, selfish world, for example, or a dangerous world, or a world where people flourish through mutual aid.
Words of praise and blame directed at children themselves are particularly potent. A lot of criticism of children, although usvally well-meant, is psychologically naive. Rather than achieving the aim of motivating them to make positive changes in themselves, it tends to provoke either blind conformity or blind rebellion. Similarly, a lot of praise of children is little more than flattery, and encourages conceit more than a healthy self. confidence.
Some guidelines for praising children; show genvine interest by asking questions; be specific in your comments (eg. I like the way that you used the yellow crayon to make those stars twinkle rather than, “that’s so beautiful), expres appreciation for the quality of their effort, for evidence of patience and care. Recognize progress – where it has been made and where work is still needed (“parhaps you might think about…) If relevant, speak of the pleasure or benefit their efforts. will bring to others.
Ajahn Jayasaro