Do You Wish to Meet Your Spouse in the Next Life Too?

You may have heard of Nakula Māta and Nakula Pita, a devoted couple who lived in India during the time of the Buddha, in the village of Bhagu in Jambudīpa. Once, while the Buddha was staying in the Bhesakalā forest near Sunsumāragiri city, He went on an alms round and visited their home. Upon seeing the Buddha, the couple was overjoyed. They respectfully offered Him a seat and sat beside Him. The Buddha inquired about their family life. Nakula Pita responded, saying, “Blessed One, when I was a young man, I brought Nakula Māta into this home. I have never spoken to her harshly, nor have I ever harmed her in any way. Blessed One, it is our heartfelt wish to remain together not only in this life, but in all future lives as well.”

The Buddha then offered profound advice to married couples, as recorded in the Paṭhama Sammājīvi Sutta in  Aṅguttara Nikāya.

Today, we often see couples who speak bitterly of one another, some even declaring that they never wish to meet again in future lives. Others say they don’t want their spouse to attend their funeral. In stark contrast, Nakula Māta and Nakula Pita sincerely wished to journey together through Saṃsāra.

In modern society, people tend to prioritize external qualities such as caste, wealth, education, degrees, appearance, dowry, and social status when choosing a life partner. From the day of marriage, many focus on earning and maintaining appearances, seeking a life of luxury. While Buddhism does not reject a life of comfort (kāmabhogī), it does not condone a marriage where mutual respect and understanding are lacking.

The Buddha emphasized four essential qualities for a successful and harmonious marriage, as taught in the Paṭhama Sammājīvi Sutta.

Sama Saddhā (shared faith)

Sama Sīla (shared virtue)

Sama Cāga (shared generosity)

Sama Paññā (shared wisdom)

The Buddha noted that couples who embody these four virtues are considered superior even to celestial beings and are worthy of reverence by the Shakra

1. 01. Sama Saddhā – shared faith

This refers to a mutual devotion and commitment to the Dhamma. True faith arises from understanding. Just as a devotee must investigate the Three Jewels with clarity and conviction, so too should a husband and wife understand and respect one another. It’s not about pointing out flaws after marriage, but rather accepting and supporting each other wholly. Many failed marriages stem from a lack of this foundational trust and acceptance.

02. Sama Sīla – Shared Virtue

Couples should uphold moral conduct together. When these ethical responsibilities are neglected, the relationship weakens. Even if legally bound by a marriage certificate. In earlier times, people’s deep respect for virtue made formal legalities unnecessary. Such couples lived long, peaceful lives rooted in mutual respect.

03. Sama Cāga – Shared Generosity

Generosity here refers not only to material giving but also emotional and spiritual generosity. Praise each other when deserved. Gently correct mistakes without hostility. Show love through kind words, facial expressions, and actions. This emotional generosity requires no money, but it significantly strengthens the marital bond. Sadly, many modern couples lack even a simple smile for each other during the week, focusing only on material giving, which can strain the relationship.

04. Sama Paññā – Shared Wisdom

Every couple faces conflicts. Come arising internally, others from external pressures. Wisdom helps solve these situations. Instead of jumping to conclusions, they should observe and listen carefully, discussing matters with understanding. True wisdom is not blind; it is thoughtful and reflective. When both partners possess this quality, they can resolve disagreements through open and respectful dialogue.

The Buddha offered guidance not just for those already married but also for those planning to marry and for parents raising children. These four qualities must be cultivated individually. Their absence is no one else’s fault—it is each person’s own responsibility. When couples like Nakula Māta and Nakula Pita live with such values, their children are blessed. Relatives, friends, and neighbors rejoice in their presence. Their children do not complain, and their home is free from quarrels and harsh words. Such families are praised and admired.

If you aspire to a fulfilling family life, nurture these four qualities:

Sama Saddhā, Sama Sīla, Sama Cāga, and Sama Paññā.

© Satipatthāna Magazine